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jesskistler1. We called diet pills (mini-thins) "Skittles." This way we didn't get caught talking about the fact that we were all popping more than our fair share, even though we didn't need them.
2. We referred to hand jobs as "riding the bus" because one of the girls gave one of the guys a handjob on an MAT (Metro Area Transit) bus once.
3. I'd cut myself just to feel something, because most of the time, I felt nothing at all.
4. I'd forge and sell hall passes to the guidance counselor's office. I only got caught once. The principal told me I'd better not get caught again, so I didn't.
5. I did a striptease in the hallway at school just because I could.
6. I spent nearly all of nearly every afternoon in the Forensics portable, avoiding classes like History and God knows what else.
7. Sleepovers were spent either on the phone with boys or sneaking boys into the house we were staying at. Never at my house.
8. No drugs, no alcohol.
9. I hated my mother with an unholy hatred that burned hotter than hell's hottest flame.
10. My parents got divorced at some point during this time, nearer to twelve or thirteen.
11. My mom got me into therapy. I refused to talk to the therapist. They put me on drugs. I don't remember if I took them or not.
12. Co-ed overnight pool parties at Cheyenne's house.
13. My first kiss was disgusting and with the "leftover" boy.
14. I did a lot of making out backstage in the auditorium.
15. My friend Angela said she was going to kill herself so I turned her into the guidance office. I didn't know what else to do.
16. Fell away from church at some point. Started treating it like a joke.
17. My mom started dragging me and my little brother to Ala-Teen. Another joke.
18. Ala-Teen is where I met James, my future rapist.
19. James raped me, in a church, while Ala-Teen was going on (we were skipping). I was fourteen, and I never told anyone.
20. I was raped before I was kissed.
21. After James raped me, I introduced him to Angela, and they dated for quite some time. It was after they broke up that Angela announced she was going to kill herself. I always wondered if he'd ever raped her.
22. I was a shitty person. Probably borderline sociopathic.
23. I was bipolar. Up, up, up, then down, down, down.
24. I kissed a lot of boys, but had an aversion to sex.
25. My friends all thought I was more experienced than I actually was for a long time. After the rape, I just pretended like nothing happened, and nobody was the wiser.
26. My little brother used to kick me in the shins so hard that, to this day, I literally have dents in my bones.
27. I really liked this one boy my sophomore year, but he was in a long-distance relationship with a girl named Laura, so I dated his twin brother instead. I ended up really liking him too.
28. I got dumped on Groundhog Day in 1996. Ruined my liking for Groundhog Day for life.
29. I got dumped for my best friend the night of Prom. One of my exes took me instead. You know, that one ex that was bashful and shy and sweet and naive, the one that shouldn't have gotten away? Who grew up to be good at adulting and stuck with his religion and turned out to be spectacular? The perfect future husband? Yeah, I thought I was too good for him. I was an outright bitch to him.
30. To this day, my friend Amy is still my favorite, even though we're not close anymore. I like her statuses on FB from afar these days. I'm too toxic for her.
2. We referred to hand jobs as "riding the bus" because one of the girls gave one of the guys a handjob on an MAT (Metro Area Transit) bus once.
3. I'd cut myself just to feel something, because most of the time, I felt nothing at all.
4. I'd forge and sell hall passes to the guidance counselor's office. I only got caught once. The principal told me I'd better not get caught again, so I didn't.
5. I did a striptease in the hallway at school just because I could.
6. I spent nearly all of nearly every afternoon in the Forensics portable, avoiding classes like History and God knows what else.
7. Sleepovers were spent either on the phone with boys or sneaking boys into the house we were staying at. Never at my house.
8. No drugs, no alcohol.
9. I hated my mother with an unholy hatred that burned hotter than hell's hottest flame.
10. My parents got divorced at some point during this time, nearer to twelve or thirteen.
11. My mom got me into therapy. I refused to talk to the therapist. They put me on drugs. I don't remember if I took them or not.
12. Co-ed overnight pool parties at Cheyenne's house.
13. My first kiss was disgusting and with the "leftover" boy.
14. I did a lot of making out backstage in the auditorium.
15. My friend Angela said she was going to kill herself so I turned her into the guidance office. I didn't know what else to do.
16. Fell away from church at some point. Started treating it like a joke.
17. My mom started dragging me and my little brother to Ala-Teen. Another joke.
18. Ala-Teen is where I met James, my future rapist.
19. James raped me, in a church, while Ala-Teen was going on (we were skipping). I was fourteen, and I never told anyone.
20. I was raped before I was kissed.
21. After James raped me, I introduced him to Angela, and they dated for quite some time. It was after they broke up that Angela announced she was going to kill herself. I always wondered if he'd ever raped her.
22. I was a shitty person. Probably borderline sociopathic.
23. I was bipolar. Up, up, up, then down, down, down.
24. I kissed a lot of boys, but had an aversion to sex.
25. My friends all thought I was more experienced than I actually was for a long time. After the rape, I just pretended like nothing happened, and nobody was the wiser.
26. My little brother used to kick me in the shins so hard that, to this day, I literally have dents in my bones.
27. I really liked this one boy my sophomore year, but he was in a long-distance relationship with a girl named Laura, so I dated his twin brother instead. I ended up really liking him too.
28. I got dumped on Groundhog Day in 1996. Ruined my liking for Groundhog Day for life.
29. I got dumped for my best friend the night of Prom. One of my exes took me instead. You know, that one ex that was bashful and shy and sweet and naive, the one that shouldn't have gotten away? Who grew up to be good at adulting and stuck with his religion and turned out to be spectacular? The perfect future husband? Yeah, I thought I was too good for him. I was an outright bitch to him.
30. To this day, my friend Amy is still my favorite, even though we're not close anymore. I like her statuses on FB from afar these days. I'm too toxic for her.
